Real Life Make Believe Conversations - November 14th, 1981

Excuse me, but what is your name?


Don’t make fun, don’t make fun, don’t make fun…

Nice to meet you Stacy. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?


One word at a time, sweet Jesus. Was he held back? Don’t ask. You might get him excited.

Fifteen. OK. Well, I’m thirteen, and as you have no doubt noticed I haven’t gained a single ounce for the last two or three years. I’m what they call a late bloomer.

Resist the urge to laugh at your own joke and pat him on the shoulder. Resist!

I’m not effecting you at all right now, am I?

Smile. That’s not a friendly smile. I’m not getting anywhere at all.

I mean, you’ve got, what, forty pounds on me.

You’re slow at shit, but…

Every time I see that ball move it’s like I’m going against a brick wall. I don’t think I’ve pushed you back a step all night, let alone got around you to try and tackle someone. There is a quarterback back in there somewhere right?

Smile gets wider. Teeth are shiny with the predator’s saliva.

My knuckles hurt, my shoulder hurts and I’m pretty sure I’ve done some serious damage to my neck that will haunt me when I’m 40 or so.

I mean, I know we’re the big rivals and all, but I’m in the eighth grade and you should be a sophomore. Oooh, wrong thing to say. Maybe he doesn’t know what that means. Keep talking. In two years I’ll be a little bigger and you’ll be gone. I think you get a job on an oil rig.

Stacy’s considering. His giant eyes have turned up to stare at the oily hair matted inside his helmet. Maybe he likes oil rigs?

Until then, what do you say?

After several more moments of consideration, the giant speaks.

“You suck.”


  1. I always wondered what a guy would be thinking to have to play against someone who just doesn't look like he could possibly be in the same league much less same grade. Frightening? Overwhelming? Intimidating?
    Oh, yeah somebody sucks all right.

  2. The first thing I'd say when I hear a boy with a girl's name was; "Oh really? Your mom gave you that name?"

    I had my name written as belonging to a female's a few times, and I was not amused. Heh.

  3. Teenage years were tough but I think it was way easier bring a girl than a boy.

    Have a great weekend.

  4. Hey Techno. Yep, all those things. I may make this a feature of sorts. I've got all these what if conversations running around in my brain for certain points in my life I think I might tackle. Therapy.

    Shadow, my actual name is also androgynous. Took a lot of teasing and hazing before my bod caught up about 17 years old. Thank goodness for genetics, however late to the party.

    My wife says the same thing, Joanna. No way to know for sure if it's true or not.



  5. Please don't take this the wrong way. When I first read your post, I thought you were a chick! And I was bracing myself for the "I was abused" story.

    You will have to forgive me because I'm a new follower (read clueless).

  6. Hi Juli, thanks for being here! Not a chick, but I do think I was abused... a little... sort of. Stacy was a real guy. I'm 6'2" and 210 pounds. When I was 13 I was about 6' and about 100 pounds. He buried me every single time.

  7. Stacy it is supposed to be TOUCH football.

    oops--I think he just pummeled you for that one.


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