When I get tired, I get emotional. I know that's totally not a guy thing to say. But it's true.
My love will attest to it. In fact, she takes on the role of my protector when my exhaustion puts me in this most irrational state. She keeps me safe, talks me down and generally helps me let go of whatever I am over thinking.
I love her.
But she was not, unfortunately, looking over my shoulder when I started to consider my 200th Blog Post.
Did I mention this is the 200th time I've posted on this blog?
Over three years, through three name changes and presented under three titles, this blog has become a part of my writing life. I like how it has evolved. I like my readers, my content and my theme. I'm in a good place blogwise.
So, what should I do with my 200th Blog Post?
I decided to go back and read through some past blogs, sort of center myself and remember what the heck I had been doing for the past 1,000 days.
Remember what I said up there about being tired? Well, a couple of days ago I was beyond tired. Wednesday I woke up at 5am, drove for a total of about 8 hours, attended and spoke at a beautiful memorial for my brother-in-law, got home at 7:30 and prepared for an all day meeting the following day. Thursday was that all day meeting an hour away from home.
By Thursday night I was beyond done.
That was probably not a good time to go back and read old blog posts.
For some reason that escapes me now, I decided I didn't like the content of my earlier posts. I vaguely remember thinking they were too personal, too work related or too poorly written. I felt a panic settling in my gut that people might go back and read these things.
So I started deleting.
Like an OCD patient washing his hands, I couldn't seem to get my blog clean.
By the time I was done, by the time I was able to halt the butchering, I had removed almost 125 blog posts.
I didn't archive them. I deleted them forever.
I feel as if I've suffered a self-inflicted wound.
And while this is the 200th time I've posted on this blog, I can no longer say this is my 200th blog post. That milestone is now probably two years away.
Plenty of time to plan a better post than this!
Thanks for reading, off to write!
You can access that first photo from the artist known as Hidlight here: http://hidlight.deviantart.com/art/tired-man-164012217