What I Could Do with the Pool

1) Throw some koi in it, let them get really big and then try to shoot them with my son's BB gun through the swampy swampness.

2) Put up fliers around the neighborhood that offer a place "to make your problems disappear... You provide the cement boots and we'll take care of it. They'll never find any evidence."  (maybe the koi could eat the evidence?)

3) Drain it and open a neighborhood skate park.  Any kid who clears the diving board during a 360 gets an Astro Pop next time the ice cream truck comes around... which seems to be every 15 minutes anymore.

4) Come to think of it, I bet I could get the whole neighborhood to contribute fundage if I offered to drive that damn, music-box-playing nuisance into the cold, enveloping darkness of the ever-murky pool waters.

5) Drain it and then fill it with dirt. Plant some lawn seed and then ignore it like the rest of my wretched lawn.

6) Speaking of seed... I could get one of those medical cards and plant a different kind of seed in the dirt. That would calm me down about the pool.  Hell I'd frikkin' love that pool!  Then I could eat the koi... Hmm...

Afterthought... If I get high and fry up some koi that just ate the ice cream man, does that make me a cannibal?

Second Afterthought... One of our dogs is named Cannibal and as far as I know he's never eaten an ice cream man.




  1. Wow.... what's your problem with kois and ice cream men?
    Sometime in your life you must have been brutalized by the oriental fish and traumatized by the frozen-dairy produce selling person.
    We feel you :)

    [Put a lot of ice in the pool and pretend it was Greenland or Antartica, where they do skinny dip in ice water!]

  2. I know, what's up? I have some issues somewhere. I should look in to that.

    Thanks for reading!


  3. You need to start writing some more short stories.

  4. Nancy Barrett14/5/10 09:30

    Dang it - I was going to suggest option 5! My grandpa did that to their pool in So Cal once! Another option - hire someone to do weekly maintenance and stop bitchin' about it - LOL! Then you can just enjoy the relaxing part without the work part!

  5. Yeah, it's kinda coming right out of me at the moment. :)

  6. We've hired no less than five different pool guys over the last ten years. Maybe it's because the pool is 30+ years old, but none of them were able to keep it blue. Very frustrating. It's actually getting close. I think it'll be ready by Mem Weekend. But I still hate it.

  7. My suggestion would be to keep the pool as is and to fill it up with baby trout. Once they have fattened up on all of that delicious green algae invite your friends & family for a day of fishing and end it the day with a fabulous barbecue of yummy trout...all courtesy of a green pool!

    Best wishes from a jet-lagged mind!

  8. I love that idea. Put some browns or rainbow in there around January and fish 'em all out for the Fourth of July! Pool is mega-blue again this weekend, thank goodness. Still hate it, but now it's like a beast I overcame in a massive battle. Wow, I'm reading too much fantasy stuff lately. :)


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